The Devil We Know

Janay Palmer & Ray Rice

How could she stand by him?   The NFL indefinitely suspended and the Baltimore Ravens fired Ray Rice after more video was released of Rice knocking out his wife, Janay Palmer, in an elevator.    Many people are just as surprised that Palmer said she feels "embarrassed" at the media attention condemning her husband's violent actions.   As astonishing as that reaction may be, the real disgust should be directed at Mr. Rice.   She's standing by her man, and that doesn't make her unique.    We know this happens in lots of dysfunctional relationships.   Many of us cling to some form of the "devil we know" through most of our lives.    We see it on a worldwide scale, as uneasy alliances in the Middle East are driven by the idea that "the enemy of my enemy is my friend."    We witness it in the job market as employees cling to poor working conditions and inadequate pay.    There is this idea that this is as good as it gets or even what we deserve.    We set the bar low in expectations, largely motivated by fear of the unknown.

There is the societal pressure not to "make trouble" when something works against our very rights, dignity and self worth.   While none of us can go around making everyone else miserable over what makes us unhappy, we do have a right to occasionally expect things from people.    Whether it's getting out of an abusive relationship or leaving a job that's not worth the stress anymore, it is OK to dream about something better and create a strategy to get us where we want and need to be.   At the very least, we owe it to ourselves and loved ones to aspire and act before the big decisions are made for us.